Sunday, October 26, 2008

mayor's cup

So as expected today's race was fast, I mean seriously there are some fast girls in the area. Now when I am out and about running I feel quick, I consider myself to be in good shape, but it's crazy just how quick some girls are out there.
It was a humbling experience when I was dead last 1 mile into the race and yet my mile split time was 6:24. I can run a mile faster than that, yet knowing there was still over 2 mi to go, I knew I couldn't kick it in yet. So I decided to still to my pace and I knew that as some hills came I should be able to get by some people, which I did. Mile 2 I ran through at 13:30 and managed to pass about 5 people, finally finishing at 21:02. I wish I had looked at the clock as I was coming in the final turn because if I knew that I was that close I would have started to go faster sooner just so I could at least break 21. Either way, it was a great day. Awesome people, awesome atmosphere, awesome weather(even though it seemed to be drizzling while driving in, it cleared up beautifully!).
There's something about the feeling post run which is great. I should be doing some lesson planning or school stuff now; however, just reflecting on the day is more desirable at this point. So, I am going to go have some tea now and enjoy the feeling before the reality of the work week sets in.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

strength from within

Strength. It can come in different forms.
This morning four of us went to the trails to run and do yoga. While other people were sleeping still or lounging around the house we went out in forty something degree weather to run, to have fun, and become stronger. At my apartment Sumner showed amazing strength as she lifted her body off the ground with her hands and balanced in positions that I could barely contort myself into.
However, I am pretty sure that I witnessed the strongest person I know right now earlier this afternoon, my brother. No, he doesn't lift weights, he's not a wrestler or football player, never has been, never will be. In fact he stands at a meager 5'8" or so and tips the scale around 100 lbs. While he may also be the weakest 24 year old I know, he is also definitely the strongest. Once again he is back in the hospital bed, getting out of it 2 times today to do his walk around the block.. aka the nurses station and meander around 8 west in Boston Medical Center which unfortunately has become like his second home over the past 2 years. While he appears to be weak in his bed, he is far stronger than myself or anyone else that I know for that matter. He really inspires me and amazes me. Throughout his sickness he has never raised his voice or taken his frustration out on anyone. If I had to live a week in his shoes I think I would have gone out of my mind, yet he never complains. At times I want to scream out loud for him, tell him it's okay to let it all out, and yet he just seems to go with the flow. He is so thoughtful of others... his visitors he wants to make comfortable, making sure there is a chair or at least a little space in his hospital room for you to stay awhile. He can't even eat solid foods, and yet he knows his nurses like chocolates and sweets, so he makes sure that my mom keeps the candy dish stocked, so when they come in to take his vitals and give him his meds and ivs they can have a treat for the road. Truly, it's amazing. Today wasn't the first time I'd been there, actually I can't count how many times I've been there, yet I can drive to BMC like I am driving to my own house. I don't know Boston well, yet getting to Harrison Ave is a piece of cake, I've done it too often. Just seeing him there today though really made me think. I went stayed a while and left, and yet while I am sitting here comfortably typing away, he's still there. Still half sideways in a bed because of tubing going in and out of his body, probably watching the Red Sox on the tv built into the wall, Curious George by his bedside, and probably about to say goodnight to my dad and other visitors who wandered in. And when he wakes up, he will still be there. Not only that, but I am the type of person who likes to have a plan, I like to know where I am headed... have a goal and work towards it. But I can't imagine the thought of not knowing when you will finally be able to live a normal day. While I sometimes don't feel like going to work in the morning, he hasn't been able to apply for a job he would probably kill to work and yet he doesn't complain. He truly is so mentally tough. He has such faith that things will work out. I only hope that I too have some of those genes, although I am grateful not to be in a position right now where I have to find that out and yet at the same time I wish I could trade places with him, let me be in that bed so that he too can be living life, not waiting to see when his life will be his again. Although I know even if this were an option, no way would he take it, he's just too strong.
He's amazing, he's my little brother.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

hurry up.... and wait

For some reason this Jordin Sparks song keeps reappearing in my life. Very rarely do I watch vh1 in the am, yet while having some breakfast like 2 weeks ago I turned to that channel and this video was on. I watched it, thought about the words, and ever since it's on repeat... in my head of course.
I know, once again it's been how many weeks since I blogged? But we're not going to go there. I just came in from a run, and feel the need to write. While running for a solid hour so many thoughts travel through my head and with no one to come home and spread all of my ponderings to, this is the best way to get them out.
Hurry up, and wait... speaking of which I had to hurry up and get out of school today so I could squeeze in a nice run, only rushing of course to now wait.... wait for what? Well, I need to wait for a moving company to deliver my new futon. Finally, some furniture for upstairs! Still needs a lot of decorating, but furniture first. So I am waiting...... all day I was waiting actually. In fact it's been over two years that my whole family has been waiting, waiting, and taking one step at a time. Diseases of any kind are tough to battle with, especially when part of the healing process is just waiting. Waiting to see what meds do and don't work, waiting to see how surgeries heal, waiting for infections to disappear, waiting for doctor's news, waiting for test results, waiting for any good news. Well after lots of waiting I got bad news yesterday. While shopping at Shaw's I got a phone call. "Hello?" I say... "Hey Jul, you sound sick." (Dad) "Yeah well I am, I've been fighting off a cold." (me) "Well, you're not the only one who's sick, your brother is too." (Dad) ....more words, followed by my tears.... never before have I welled up with in an aisle of Halloween candy. Long story short, my brother has been having pain... went in for an mri and cat scan and it turns out there is a hole in his pouch, so he's having surgery tomorrow afternoon to repair the hole. It sounds good, although this means he also has to have the ostomy bag put back on to his stoma, so he won't be able to go to the bathroom again. I think I am more frustrated than his is, he has been so calm throughout this entire struggle, it truly amazes me. I can't imagine myself in his shoes, yet have felt his pain along the way. Everyday I hope and pray that this struggle will soon come to an end, in a positive way.... even though a couple of weeks ago the end looks like it was in sight, I guess it was just another turn in the road and there's a lot more road to go in the distance again.
Well I waited long enough... I was interrupted a little while ago, my new futon is here! (Not the exact color I thought it would be... thought it would be a darker brown, but I will make it work!.. to quote Tim Gunn... speaking of which, I am bummed that I no longer get Bravo, I miss Project Runway!)
On a more positive note, I had some great positivity with the team this weekend. We did a great run and yoga session in Uxbridge, then had the Wayland XC race on Sunday. It wasn't my best performance by any means, but the girls team got first for the day and the guys got second. Just being there with everyone, catching up again and being among positive friends and teammates is wonderful. I am looking forward to more of it!