Saturday, October 16, 2010

a bumpy month

I know, I haven't posted in nearly a month. I think I kind of strayed away from blogging because I didn't want to face reality; I wasn't happy. I have been frustrated with the whole patellar tendonitis deal, but had a positive attitude and thought ok, no biggie, I will treat it and be running again in October.... let's just say things have a way of changing.
As a part of my cross training routine I have been riding my bike more, which I love. It's a fun, great way to exercise. It's also neat/ different from running because you get to cover more terrain than in a run. A long run may be 15 miles, but a long ride may be more like 50.
Speaking of 50 milers, this was the cause of my trouble. A couple of my uncles and I have done Hub on Wheels before in Boston; it's a 50 mile ride to benefit Boston Public Schools. A good cause, a fun ride, spending time with relatives; a great day, right?! WRONG. Ok don't get me wrong, it started off as a great day, up at 5 am, heading to Beantown, riding Storrow Drive which was closed to traffic, fun times.
(having fun-pre crash)
However, this fun soon turned to fail. 20 something miles into the ride I crashed. I don't mean like I just felt or slipped up... I was going too fast down a hill, lost control of my bike and wound up off the road on the ground, bleeding and sore. MAJOR OUCH. I totally knocked the wind out of me, I stood up and tried to compose myself, but was hurting and crying because I was confused and didn't know what to do. My relatives didn't know I had crashed and I was screaming for them, but to no avail. I had no choice, I had to walk for help... 15+ minutes later I managed to walk out of the woods and find a volunteer who called an ambulance.
In the meantime I was lying on the side of the road calling my fam to tell them of the accident and ask them to head out to Boston; I tried to remain calm, but my back and side hurt so bad I didn't know how badly I was hurt. The men in the ambulance wanted to take me to the hospital, but I asked not to go, I'd rather go closer to home. So they cleaned me up and let me lie on a stretcher while I waited for my aunt (who lives in Newton) to come pick me up.
My parents met me at my aunt's house and then brought me to Worcester to the ER. I have never been to the ER before (well for my own injury) so this was a first.
I went right into triage (the Pats were on so maybe that's why it wasn't busy?)... they actually thought I had a concussion because my pupils weren't responding appropriately? Not sure, but I think this expedited my trip in there. Turns out no concussion, but they did want x-rays, as did I. I had 9 x-rays done... at this point I was already visibly bruising and you could see the cuts on my back to show where I had hit first. The only major cuts were on my forearm-- I skidded on a rock, so they bandage that up. They x-rayed my upper chest, back, lower back, leg, and arm... amazingly I hadn't broken or fractured anything. However, I did have some bad bruising. I could barely walk and taking off my shoes was a huge challenge. They also checked my kidneys- apparently where I fell first was right near that area, but no kidney damage either!
I am not one that likes to take medication; however, the doctor insisted that he write up a prescription. So I took it, but vowed that I was going to try not to use it. I didn't for the first 2 two days, just took some ibuprofren to ease the pain; however, day 3 it was too much. The doc was right when he says that sometimes it's a couple of days later that it will hurt more. Getting out of bed/ getting in bed/ moving in general was just torture. I missed 4 days of school and basically spent those days confined to the recliner and heating pad. It's amazing how long the day seems when you can't do anything but sit/ lay down. Unlike feeling sick when you just want to sleep it off to feel better, I wasn't tired, didn't want to sleep and felt like a complete slacker for feeling like I could really teach if it weren't for the fact that I could barely move!
Taking the meds on day 3 was an interesting experience. I had some thing called "Tramadol" which according the paper that they give with it, it is frequently prescribed for people with back surgery or c-sections. Either way, I only started with taking one and it totally made me "loopy." I'm pretty sure this is the reason I very rarely drink, because I hate not feeling like I am in control of my body. A little less than an hour after taking it I really just felt silly. Like my head was spinning, I was talking to my brother and would just start laughing. I could lay in the recliner and I felt like I was moving, but I was sitting still. It didn't ease all of the pain, but it totally chilled out my head! No wonder why people get hooked on those things; I can understand why if you're so hopeless and want to just lose control of your mind then you'd pop a pill- kind of scary if you think about it though.
My accident was on a Sunday and by Friday I was determined to make it to school. I went in, thanks to a colleague who drove me because I was taking pain killers and couldn't drive! My kids were super good, I kind of conducted the day sitting in my chair a lot, but got through it and was happy to be there!
It's been 3 weeks now since that accident. My back and ribs are still not healed, and the accident has lengthened my pt with my knee injury. I ran last week because the ortho doctor told me to... let's just say it was not a fun 6 mile run. I didn't feel knee pain, but I think that was because my backs and ribs hurt so bad. Sneezing still feels like I may explode and as I type I am on the heating pad again. HOWEVER, I am going to try to be positive again. I am able to workout again and worked out everyday this week. I have been doing the elliptical and today did it for 75 minutes, covering about 9.6 miles. Tomorrow I am going to try to do 90 minutes on it.
I have yet to get on my bike again; however, this is partially because it's broken. I need to bring it to Bicycle Alley to have it repaired... my handle bars are kind of broken and the alignment is off.
I think that I haven't been on this blog in a month because I was in denial. It's hard to want to write when you feel like a failure. Over the past couple of weeks I just felt all around like I was a failure... couldn't run, couldn't work, basically helpless. But I shouldn't have felt that way. I was able to walk (barely)away from this accident. So many people aren't that lucky. I may set high standards for myself that I may feel like I am not meeting right now, but I guess I am giving myself a kick in the pants and have to say that I am lucky. I am hopeful. It may be a couple more months before I am back to where I was running before, but I will get there. I have just finished my 4th course in my CAGS and start the 5th this week. So far I have a 4.0 gpa, not too bad. I may be single and living back at home with my family; but I am lucky to have such a loving family who is there to support me in so many ways. Someday I will find that special someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with, someday... I am ready if you're out there and want to come walking by anytime now! I am lucky to have a great class and a secure job, but am hopeful to be forwarding my career in another way in the future. (Maybe even next year?)
Well I guess this post was more than I intended to get out when I first started, but I think I needed this. I felt like I was hiding from myself from not updating this, but I think I was afraid to face reality. But in reality, it's not so bad, I have overcome challenges in the past and feel like I am on my way to getting back on track.
It may have been a bumpy month, but there will always be bumps in the road... I just know that now I need to slow down to get through them, before I lose control! :)
Since I am now back to reality, I have to get some necessary weekendish things done... namely grocery shopping! I have already been to Trader Joe's earlier today, but find that some things I can just buy cheaper at the grocery store, so I'm headed there now. For some reason I find walking up and down the aisles very relaxing! :)

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